My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
