TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
