His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
