My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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