she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
