Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
