Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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