How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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