maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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