And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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