I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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