Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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