You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
