White coat. Heels.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
