That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
