Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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