Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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