For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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