Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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