i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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