It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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