I want to have your abortion
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
