Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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