Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
