my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Acid is not a monday night drug
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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