Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
