Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
