Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
