i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
