Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
