Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
