Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
