who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
