You're my little dorito
You can't special order awesome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
