nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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