How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
