You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
