Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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