it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
