Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
