I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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