Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo