is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.