she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.