if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.