Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
