after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
