In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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