his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
