I need to stop coming to work sober
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
