You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
