no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
