Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
