Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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