I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
