It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to rekindle our bromance
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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