don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
