Yo dont text me then not text me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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