She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She bit a glass in half.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
