I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
