I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
