True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
