Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
