ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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