I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
sex in a hospital.. check
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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