So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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