and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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