Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
